Write-In 2019: 'Notes to Self In A Minor' by Mileva Anastasiadou

A simple melody’s been guiding me lately: la-mi-re-la is my grocery list and a song of mourning and anger. Notes to help me remember the essentials and stay alive.

La: Buy lager. Many cans to soothe the pain.

My stuffed nose renders me nostalgic. But I remember how it feels like. To breathe freely. Or feel loved.
Remember; what has once existed, can’t stop having existed.

Mi: Buy milk. White as her skin was.

It’s funny how the soul travels in body. Or out of it. How body parts can turn into anchors that keep us chained to life. We held hands at school. As we grew older, our bodies collided and in those explosions, our love found shelter, until we grew old enough to only stare into each other’s eyes.
Remember: love embodied feels visceral and real.

Re: Buy red wine. Mix it with beer.

When the end approached, she knew. She looked deep into my eyes and I kept staring back at her until her gaze was empty. The dying of light happening before my raging eyes.
One minute she was there. Then she wasn’t.
For a while, I was lonely. Then I wasn’t.
Remember; once you have been truly loved, you can’t feel lonely again.

La: Buy lamps. You need much light to blind you.

The deeper I look into the night sky, the better I see her. I then leave my body on the ground, transform into a bird and travel to meet her. Our love is now bodiless, yet it still exists.
Remember; true love never vanishes. It only moves in circles throughout time, taking forms only lovers can see. Sometimes they can’t. For reality’s blinding them.
Underlined note to self: Do not let it.

Rage against the dying of love.