At the Happy Witch café each table has a silver mirror with a marble effect mounted on the wall and handwritten note in Blackletter. “Ask me anything you want or anything you do not dare ask but die to find out”, followed by “Please read the small print” in Times New Roman.
I sat down with a double skinny cappuccino and thought about questions. I always wanted to know when people smile at me whether it is for me or to make themselves feel good or maybe I should ask something more fun. So I asked “What’s inside my ex’s head?” The mirror got misty for a while and in the blur I saw a long roll of parchment filled with words, poems, expletives. My ex had always been prolific like that. I was delighted that after all that time he was writing poems, presumably for me. I saw a glimpse of my name in gold leaf paint etched on his psyche.
That took only a few moments. “Thank you for your custom” said the mirror and went blank. “You are welcome,” I said, a happy customer.
The waiter, dressed like a Puss in Boots, approaches me with a copy of Health and Safety and a feedback card. “Because we value our customers, we listen to what they have to say. We have also put together these health and safety guidelines for the sake of our customers. We highly value our customers,” he gives me a toothy smile amid modestly projecting whiskers, cattishly walks away.
I skip through the pages. “Don’t punch the mirror. In the event that you punch the mirror and injure yourself, the Happy Witch takes no responsibility or liability for any incurred damages. Likewise, the cost of punched mirrors or any other damaged property will be recovered from the customers’ bills. Remember it was your wish to ask the mirror about others’ secrets. Sometimes secrets are best left to rest in peace. Thank you for your understanding”.
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