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Sunday 16 June 2024

'A List of Things Not to Do if You Want to Be a Good Daughter' by Adele Evershed

Don't believe you can dress like Kim Kardashian and not be thought a slut, even if you still go to church on a Sunday.

Don't fill up an empty soda bottle with a livid mixture of spirits to share with David deep in Clover Woods so you feel like you are drowning in a sea of perfume when he robs you of your virginity.

Don't ditch school each Wednesday afternoon to listen to songs from The Tortured Poets Department in the park so you fail algebra and have to do summer school.

Don't get in the bruise-colored Jeep Ollie has borrowed from his brother to take you to Pink Lake, even if his eyes remind you of a spaniel puppy and you only said yes because you met him at summer school and it’s driving your Mom nuts.

Don't cry when he tells you that the condom broke and he only asked you out because he'd heard you were easy.

Don't believe the old wife's tale that drinking a bottle of gin and a scalding bath will solve your problem.

Don't continue life as usual, going to cheerleading practice and studying for your quiz on Macbeth and don’t snap, “I’m getting too fat,” at your Mom when she tells you to eat breakfast and then leave the house on that morning without saying goodbye.

Don't stand still as Drew from your Biology class takes aim at you with his father’s rifle.

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