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Monday, 17 June 2024

'How To Go Crazy' by Julia Ruth Smith

It started the day I put sweet raspberry jam on cheese biscuits, a smile on a crooked face and my friend said gently, ‘Oh Judy, that’s not how it’s done.’ 

On account of her special age and a husband riding away with a saloon girl he’ll regret, I lent her my ear.

‘Cats - lots of them. One blind if possible. A short expensive cut from Alfredo’s that will look great for a week but will make people wonder. Run as fast and as far as you can especially on hot days. Especially at midday. Tell everyone that you absolutely love spending holiday days on your own –less washing-up, more Netflix. Repeat singularly unimportant details about family, friends, neighbours at intimate gatherings until people sidle away and get their coats. Post a blurry photo of said evening with the words, ‘What a blast!’ and a delighted-looking reindeer.

Never admit you’re just lonely.’

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