‘Humans have destroyed our habitats: the
fightback starts now.’
This will be the battle-cry of a takeover editorial by the
Gorilla Army. Weapon advertisements will proliferate. Giant Pandas will pose
with AK47’s and Rhinos will pose in chef’s hats, showcasing easy recipes for Dirty
Bombs. Whaling ships will discover the inefficacy of harpoon guns as Blue
Whales spout plutonium – fountains of diamonds shattering the surface of tepid,
algaed oceans.
Under
the banner: ‘It’s full-scale war on the illegal wildlife trade,’ an armoured
pangolin will put the true horror into horoscopes by predicting how captured poachers
should be punished. Paws, claws, and beaks will press frenziedly on voting
buttons to decide whether these men should be:
a) a} Sold alive at markets for their body
parts to be made into medicine/s.
b) b} Crammed in filthy cages and smuggled across
several continents.
c) c} Shot / snared in the wild for their
skin / teeth / bones to be owned or worn as trophies.
d) d} Retrained in conservation to provide
an alternative income for their communities.
But it’ll be the centrefold, a close-up photo of the Pygmy
Three-Toed Sloth, that will really bring
on the goosebumps. How sweet she’ll snore, curled up alone by that Big Red Nuclear
Button. Just one more nap in the mangrove trees before her Final Act.
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