'Grate Question' by Scaramanga Silk

The call came in last minute during this leg of the book tour. But here I am, in the studio of Number 1 radio station WDPK 83.7 FM. ‘The sound of tomorrow, the music of today’. And boy it is something else. Everything in the room looks brand new. These headphones must be two grand alone and that Neumann microphone might have to come home with me for my podcast.

“Now to today’s special guest, Hugh Traxx, esteemed DJ, here to talk about his sublime debut book Turntable Wizard,” he enthused.

“Cheers Kevin, pal. Great to be here. Big fan of the show.”

“It’s Caoimhín,” came the soft retort. “So, your book is Number #3 in the New York Times Best Sellers List. What inspired you to put pen to paper?”

“Ooo. Great question. Well, having been on the circuit for…”

Caoimhín glared at me, his eyes looking like they were about to explode…

“Great question is it? Really? It’s the most generic thing you can ask a creative. Also, who are you to rate the calibre of it anyway? So patronising.”

“Huh? Erm… I…”

“Fan of the show are you? You didn’t even get my name right! I’d never heard of you a week ago. I haven’t read all of your book either. My producer arranged this nonsense off the back of your sudden fame. From what I have seen, I wonder how you managed to get published. Do you know what a proofreader is? Who are the idiots buying this rubbish? I’ve interviewed Stevie Wonder. What am I doing here???”

He threw down his headphones, gestured a cut-throat sign through the window, leapt out of his chair, and marched out.

His producer ran in, profusely apologising, and looking rather flushed.

“Trouble at home with the Mrs, has he?”