He always manages to go to the toilet when it’s his round. We complain about it while he’s in there and then it’s all smiles when he gets back and one of us has put our hands in our pocket again.
One day we decided to confront the issue and represent the idea of the buying of rounds through the media of actual and conceptual props.
I bought the first drinks and placed a 12” picture disc of Dead Or Alive’s biggest hit on the table. Gilbert Moth’s contribution was a jar of Ground Ginger with the G in Ground crossed out. Rufus Stone instigated a chorus of ‘London’s Burning’, sung in the round. Wesley Drive added an old round pinned plug and finally, Sandell Close then did a power point presentation on the circularity of the water cycle. This last event merely offering the opportunity for the miscreant to announce that all this talk of water was making him want to pee.
Exasperated, we decided to take direct action and bore him into buying a round. On his return he found the five of us sat in a circle on the floor, each recounting the trivia and minutiae of the events of our respective weeks.
Unfortunately this also backfired as he announced how fascinating it was to hear us describing our lives in statements of 140 characters or less and would he excuse us as he was going outside to twat this to his followers.
That’s when I shot him in the head; ironically it only took a single round.