To whom it may concern By Sarah Nicholson

I have a friend who has a knack of writing letters especially of the complaining nature. She twists her words and phrases to make her tirade of expletives sound almost polite.
It pays off mostly, money off coupons land on her doormat with alarming regularity and once a huge bouquet of flowers was delivered as recompense, shame about her allergies but I enjoyed their sweet fragrance.

She is certainly a friend worth keeping with all the perks and freebies to be had. Besides would you want to cross a woman with so sharp a tongue?

Without a doubt her finest hour was coffee with manager of Marks and Spencers. There they sat putting the world to rights, discussing knicker elastic over two toasted tea cakes.

I sat in awe a couple of tables away listening as her voice rose and he looked flustered.

Eventually she was bought with a voucher from the man who was concerned.

“Two for ten pound meal for tea?” She gave me a wink and I followed in her wake.