Pearl and Amber
Hey P, seen Binks recently?
No, you?
No. He’s been acting weird. Shifty.
On it.
Pearl and Binks
Binks, where are you?
Rovaniemi.
WTF, Binks?
What?
You don’t go to Santa’s Village. Never. Defo not in JANUARY.
Why not?
Why? Because we’re ELVES, Binks. We stay the fuck away.
Why?
You know who works there? Elves. ELVES work there.
And in January, the old bastard is looking for replacements for whomever he’s worked into the ground the previous Christmas season.
But I need to know!
Know what?
How the wooden toys are made.
Why, Binks? Why do you need to know? Why do you care? We don’t even LIKE wooden toys. We PROTECT trees.
But the human children! They’re so happy!
Hold on, Binks. Back with you in five.
Pearl and Amber
They’ve got him. He’s in Rovaniemi.
Fuck.
He’s totally brainwashed. Talking about the workshop. Happy human children, toys, yadda yadda.
How? WHEN?
Online I guess? Forums, subreddits, chat groups? A human boyfriend?
Eww.
Yeah.
I’ll make the call. Keep him busy, make sure he doesn’t go anywhere.
Gotcha.
Pearl and Binks
Sorry, back now.
Binks?
Hey! Binks!
WHAT NOW
What’s wrong?
You’re not being supportive.
I AM! I’m looking out for you!
But I WANT to go.
And do what? Work for the red bastard for mince pies and milk until you die?
He’s NOT A BASTARD!!
Binks…
Hold on, room service. Weird. I didn’t…
Pearl and Amber
They’re at his door
Phew.
Yeah. Thanks, A.
np
Pearl and Binks
What did you do?
Saving your furry arse.
PEARL. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Love you, kiddo. You’ll understand, I promise.
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