She says she saw him on the ferry, and I think it’s because she loves Christmas and all and she had too much to drink as well, because Santa doesn’t hang out on ferries or Greek islands, he probably spends summers asleep. I see him too next day, he hides behind dark sunglasses but we recognize him, he’s a celebrity after all.
He rides the waves, only he doesn’t know how to surf, and he almost drowns. He drinks ouzo, but he’s only used to hot chocolate, and he’s drunk most of the time. He sits in the sun, only he doesn’t wear sunscreen, and his skin burns. He parties all day long, only he’s not used to heatwaves, and he wipes the sweat off of his face, he passes out, and we’re concerned, because he doesn’t know summer, not like we do.
He claims he wants us to respect his privacy but we don’t believe him. All celebrities say so but never mean it. He claims he needs rest, he’s only here for a few days, then he’ll move back north, and we suspect that’s a marketing trick, because he plays tired and exhausted, but he only works only one night per year, that’s privilege, if you ask me, and perhaps this Christmas business doesn’t go well lately.
He’s all over TikTok now, Santa and his new girlfriend, that weirdo stole my wife, and she says that she will follow him to the North Pole because she can’t stand the heat. I saw my wife kissing Santa, like that kiddo saw mommy kissing him, not under the mistletoe, but under the shade of an olive tree and he didn’t even leave a present behind for me, and if I complained, I’d be the one on the naughty list.
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