Sunday, 16 June 2019

Write-In 2019: 'Memo - Call Out Procedure - NHS/COP/003' by Sarah Mosedale

Correct procedure must be followed by all staff. Following recent events, of which you will be aware, given the high level of negative publicity engendered, staff are reminded of the core principles below.

Dr Foster Went to Gloucester
Every member of staff is assigned to a specific geographical district. Under no circumstances may staff respond to requests for home visits, hospital cover or any other call out beyond their assigned district, no matter how fruitful the opportunity for rhyme. Drs Fanchester and Crystal take note please.

In a Shower Of Rain
Particular care must be taken when operating under conditions of inclement weather. See NHS/WEA/001 for full details. In this context note a) umbrellas are available for loan to any member of staff and b) for journeys over 1.82 miles a taxi may be an option - see NHS/TAX/001 for full terms and conditions.

He Stepped In a Puddle Right Up to His Middle
Staff are reminded of the need to pay close attention to their surroundings, particularly,though not exclusively, in unfamiliar surroundings. It is not acceptable to be lost in thought, no matter how senior one’s position. Under no circumstances should staff read while walking. Such contributory negligence is likely to render your professional accident insurance invalid.

And Never Was Seen Again
Careless talk of this nature undermines staff confidence and morale and is strictly prohibited. Do not indulge in speculation about events of which you have little knowledge. Any enquiries from non-NHS persons must be referred to the Press Office. For the avoidance of doubt, Dr Foster is well and recuperating and wishes her privacy to be respected at this difficult time.

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