'The Three Bill Grads Gruff' by Suzanna Lundale

 

By now, we’ve probably all read about them on social media – the Three Bills, three recent graduates from Georgetown who took on student loan giant Tröllbridge, and – more or less – lived to tell the tale. When the company began dunning the first Bill, Bill Morris, demanding that he begin paying $700 monthly within 6 months, he responded, “Oh no! Not me. I signed up to teach at an underperforming school, where I can teach kids active shooter drills for several years so the government will pay my student loans! As long as I survive, I’ll be free and clear.” With a grumble, Tröllbridge deferred Mr. Morris’ loan payments pending his completion of the program and moved on to the second Bill. This Bill, Bill Martinez, responded, “Oh no! Not me. I did ROTC all through school, and will be going into the Army for several years to get the government to pay my student loans! As long as there isn’t another war, I’ll be free and clear!” With a grumble, Tröllbridge deferred Mr. Martinez’s loan payments pending his completion of his term in the Army and moved on to the third Bill. This Bill, Bill Jefferson, had been job-hunting since the start of senior year, and had realized it was almost impossible to get a professional job that would pay enough to manage the student loan payments without a graduate degree. When Tröllbridge came demanding his first payment, this Bill responded, “Oh no! Not me. I’ve been accepted to the Master’s program, so I’ll actually be taking out a lot more student loans to pay back when I finish.” With a grumble that sounded suspiciously like a chuckle, Tröllbridge wished Mr. Jefferson luck in his graduate program and sat back to watch his debt grow.