I guess I sneered at Liz one time too many about her whole Black Friday nonsense because suddenly I found myself shivering outside Oakhurst Shopping Mall at her side with my gut still bursting with turkey and gravy, mashed potatoes and pie, listening to her wax rhapsodic about the God-knew-how-many inch TV she wanted to snag at a limited price of 200 bucks if we could just get to the electronics department ahead of the rest, Liz laying out strategies about whether we should cut through Jewelry or no, what if we–but then the doors were open and the time for strategy past, we were just pushing forward, trying not to lose each other in the crush with my left ear ringing after it took a sharp elbow jab early on and two more blows by the time I hit Accessories which had me grabbing an umbrella for defense and slinging a backpack over one shoulder to shield my back though it didn't seem to be helping one desperate woman I saw on the floor crawling for the safety of one of those round clothing racks kids like to hide in to scare their mothers, a large bootprint in the center of her own backpack shield, so by the time I found Liz, bloodied and triumphantly guarding a slightly bigger TV than the one she came for - but it's only $400 more, Kim! - I felt like I'd been to war and could only grimace when Liz crowed, best Thanksgiving ever!
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