'Good Kid Cereal' by Lucienne Cummings

30% sweeter than other children. Yes, we’re biased, we’re your parents.

Added goodness – we tried…

No artificial colours, except eyeliner and that lippy hidden in your school bag. One day you’ll wish you weren’t reliant on those – trust us.

INGREDIENTS:
Six months to grow Rice and you, but aeons of sleeplessness. You curl your doll fingers around ours. We sing Sleep Little Baby.

You’re sweeter than Glucose Syrup at two, but scream NO! frequently. We point at picture books until you snore, then snooze over that glass of wine between your bedtime and ours.

Sit still! Don’t swing your legs at the table! Abundant Cocoa Mass energy and outgrowing clothes every other minute. All the added calcium means you’re already blowing out six candles. Kiss Grandma! Say thank you! We worry that your life is mostly orders and sides of ignored organic vegetables.

You name your first dog Barley, then he eats your Dad’s !?!**?!ing shoes. Sorry, Daddy shouldn’t have said that word.

Mum throws Salt over her shoulder after she trips. Don’t leave that there! Sunscreen and sand in everything as puberty makes you slouch unappreciatively through family holidays. OW! F**k! What did we say? Put that b****y thing away! Do as we say, not as we swear.

Flavourings? Nice to meet you Harley. Is this your girlfriend/boyfriend or friend? Should we care? Honestly, we don’t know.

Added Vitamins/Minerals:
Iron in my soul when you shout I HATE YOU! Vitamin D floods in when you say Sorry, I love you, later. We are your taxi service. Vitamin E helps all of us with revision headaches.

We bawl, bear hug, Vitamin B6, B2, B1, B12 – all the b’s. You stand on the edge of the nest and call Bye! as you take flight. Serve with the future of your choice.