'Let Down Your Fettucine' by Athena Law

This story begins with the reassurance that they all live happily ever after. When I say

‘they’ I of course mean Rapunzel, her husband and their seven plump children.
But for a while there, it didn’t look like our girl Punzie was going to ever leave her
turret…

Day 36,251

Dear Diary, I am bored out of my skull. Since I ran out of embroidery projects I’ve
made literally hundreds of mosaics from my toenail clippings and stuffed cushions
with my belly-button lint, but it’s all so cringe.

Day 36,297

Dear Diary, today a hot knight on a white horse totally came to rescue me! I heard
him crashing through the forest and there he was - big blonde hair and a smile whiter
than my mosaics. He’s coming back tomorrow with a ladder.

Day 36,298

Dear Diary, fully devastated. His ladder was way too short, he shouted to me that no
one has ever said his ladder was short before, then told me to let down my hair. So I
did but he took one look at it and ran off into the trees. No sign since.

Day 36,525

Dear Diary, something special happened today, which I totally knew it would because
it’s been one hundred years since I was trapped in this bloody turret. A man came
through the forest, so quiet I nearly didn’t hear him. Average looking (maybe a six)
and his ancient horse was a drab brown. His accent was strange, he said he was
from a floating city where one travels by boat. I let down my hair, which he admired
and then climbed to my window. He kissed my hand and told me he loves pasta.

Day 36,586

Dear Diary, I was wrong. My husband, Prince Antonio from Venice is a TEN.