The confidence I chased my entire life, persisting as a Chinese American girl with
Autism, ADHD, CAPD (Central Auditory Processing Disorder), and OCD. It came
after years of fiddling with my CAPD and rewiring my brain to listen clearly by
deciphering audiobooks—like adjusting a radio dial, through the static. It was
carved from a lifetime of do-it-yourself and adapting to a world not meant for me.
It solidified after working at a public library with a staff who loathed patrons and
ate taxpayer dollars rotting for their pensions. It exploded when I learned to value
their presence as my worst life role models, a priceless education. It shone after I
earned straight A's in my Library Masters. It was forged when I forced myself to
speak despite my impediments, especially for storytime. It crystallized when I
shunted embarrassment and didn't care what anyone thought. It cemented when I
embraced all my quirks, when I finally welcomed myself fully, and it didn't matter
that no one else would.
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