'“Dream Transmitter©” - Clinical Trials Phase 2 – Domestic Animals' by JP Relph

Subject 1 – Canis lupus familiaris

BALL! Running. Chase white cotton. Running. Chase green buzzers. Snap, squish. Bleuch! BALL! Grab DAD shoe, run. Chase nice cat. Cheese! DOOR!!! Shouting! Chase curly dog, smell butt, musky. Running. BALL! Sausages! Mush squeaky duck. MUSH IT HARD! Biscuit! Running. Roll in stinky seagull. Grin at noisy DAD. Chase fat birds. Flapping! Eat cat-food. Run from nasty cat! MILLY bed. Cuddles, kisses. Tummy scratchy. Crisps! MILLY cheesy hands, licking. Warm, cuddles, snooze.

Subject 2 – Felis cattus

I have acquired opposable thumbs. My enduring subservience is rewarded: I am the superior being always intended. I am opening my own food; I administer the whole pouch - previous servings were unacceptable. I am a glorious beast requiring great sustenance. There will be no “diet”; no nuggets of shame. I am opening doors to appropriate the treats often denied me. There will be no more emotional blackmail. I am opening the window; I shall access “outside” in the way of my choosing. There will be no more infernal, snapping “cat-flap”. I am a magnificent creature who egresses with dignity. I am not a grubby miscreant. I am breaching the tin where the transformative leaves are concealed. I will partake of the herb when I wish. I will run as the wind in great circles, I will leap and hunt all the flying nuisances, I will bite and kick any that challenge me. I will bask in mellow oblivion. You may record this transcendent moment. I concur I am a “gorgeous boy”, less enamoured with “chunky pudding”. That feels derogatory. I acquiesce to your scratchy fingers. You will desist touching my abdominal area; I am releasing murder-blades. I am stretching in sunpools and admiring my extra digits. I am rumbling with contentment, for now. There is much work to do.