'Standardized Psychological Post-Quarrantine Survey Sb-53' by Chris Albin

Welcome back to work!

Before you can assume your new duties, we would appreciate it if you could fill out this short survey. Make sure to read through each question carefully and answer truthfully!

1. What is your name and clearance level?


2. What do you remember most about working from home?

a. Anxiety.

b. Deep isolation.

c. Gazing into the bathroom mirror.

3. Did your supervisor inform you of why you were being quarantined?

4. Do you trust your supervisor?

5. Take a long look at yourself in the mirror or the computer monitor. Next do the same with your corporate ID. Which is the real you?  

a. The reflection.

b. The photo. 

c. The glass.

6. Do you currently identify as a human being?

7. What were your duties in the former Subbasement 53?

8. Which of the following adjectives best describes what used to be Subbasement 53? 

a. Shiny

b. Distant.

c. Endless.

d. Writhing.

9. Where are you?

10. It is the middle of the night. You are standing in front of your bathroom mirror. You don’t remember how you got here. You are trying to move but you can’t. Why?

11. Who truly left that room?

12. What did you see at the other end of the bathroom mirror in Subbasement 53? 

a. Mirrors. Nothing but mirrors.

b. Something shimmering in  the corner of my eye.

c. Faces reflected within faces.

d. A stranger reaching out a hand. No, not a stranger…

13. Come home.

14. You are still standing in front of your bathroom mirror, the empty mirror. Where are you? The frame is vast and hungry. Who truly left that room? It stretches out to swallow you. Come home.

Thank you for your cooperation!

'The Animal at the Bottom of the Garden' by Donna M Day

Welcome to the Wildlife Identification Portal

Are you researching a live animal, identifying a photograph, or general interest only?

Live animal

Location of animal

My garden

Is the animal secured?

No

Does the animal appear to pose an immediate threat?

No

Does the animal appear to be hungry?

No

Is the animal sleeping?

Yes

Local time of day

11:15am

Daytime

Does the animal appear to be injured?

No

How many legs does the animal have?

4

Does the animal have wings?

Yes

Does the animal have a horn?

No

Is the animal hairy or scaly?

Scaly

Is the animal breathing smoke?

No

What colour is the animal?

Light blue

Congratulations! You have been chosen by an ice dragon as its new rider. Please register your dragon with the Riders’ Guild within 48 hours. If required, they will be able to recommend a qualified trainer.

--Thank you for using our service--

'The doctor will see you now' by By Roshni Beeharry

The doctor asks me if I’ve ever smoked. Do I:

     a)  Tell her about the not really inhaling efforts with menthol cigarettes that I made in my teens,

          when I was hanging around with “ a crowd” who smoked “other things too”, and 

          hurriedly and fervently tell the doctor that I only stuck to the menthols, as if that absolves 

          me?

     b)  Admit that I’ve admittedly puffed on the odd one or two in the last five years or so, but a
          packet could last a month to two months, and I only do it when I am relaxed and by

          myself, then smile sweetly and say “maybe it’s a late teenage rebellion?”

     c)  Say “no never,” as the doctor flicks her doubtful gaze over me, then types something
          much longer than “never smoked,” into my records? (She knows, doctors ALWAYS
          know).

'Struggling Millennial' by Elisa Dominique Rivera

1. How many coffees would you sacrifice to get that dream job as an unpaid intern to increase your clout as an influencer? Please only put whole numbers only___
2. How many square feet is too small for a $5000 per month 1-bedroom apartment? Please only put whole numbers only___
3. How many gallons of tears must you cry every day to be able to survive on minimum wage? Please put whole numbers only ___
4. On a scale of one to I-would-rather-be-tortured-with-an endless-loop-of-the-Baby-Shark-song-for-the-rest-of-my-life, how much would you sacrifice your dignity for a ten-second video “advocating” for a scam? Please only put the numbers 1 to 10 in this space ____
5. How much would you ask in exchange for private information on your boss who is probably cheating on his wife? Please only put whole dollar numbers between $1 to $5000 in this space ____
6. How many times must you self-medicate — insomnia, anxiety, constant headache and joint pains before you have to finally see the doctor only to be diagnosed with cancer? Please put whole numbers only ___
7. On a scale of one to I-would-rather-die-homeless-in-a-ditch, how many pleas for you to move back with them even though you’re nearly forty years old, would you consider acceptable? Please only put the numbers 1 to 10 in this space ____

'How to Tell If Your Work Crush is Mutual?' by Melissa Flores Anderson

For each yes answer, 2 pts

Says good morning when they arrive at the office

Ignores you when they arrive because they don’t want to give away their feelings

Sits next to you in meetings and touches your arm

Sits across from you in meetings to catch your gaze

Stands closer to you than other colleagues

Stands further away from you because they can’t resist touching you

Catches your eye from across the room and winks at you

Plays it off like there was just something in their eye

Responds to your texts immediately, even when in meetings

Waits to text you back after hours

Sends you emojis:

For each one, give yourself 1 pt

😀😊 👍 😉 😂🥳🤪😎🫣❤️

For each yes, give yourself 5 points

Gave you a present for Christmas

Gave a present to everyone else so as not to be suspicious

Offered you a ride to the off-site holiday party

Invited Julie from accounting to ride with both of you as a sort of chaperone

Hugged you before the holiday break

Hugged everyone before the holiday break, but you’re sure they lingered with you

For each yes answer give yourself 10 pts

Has leaned in so close when you whisper to them in a meeting that your lips graze their ear lobes, almost like a kiss

Has put their hand on the small of your back while walking through a crowd

Has texted you after 9 p.m. for a not work-related reason

Has told you personal stuff they haven’t shared with others

1-20 pts – maybe they think you’re cute

21-50 pts – probably attracted, but tryna be profesh

51-75 pts – definitely vibing

76-100 pts – get a room already

'How much do you know about volcanoes?' By Sarah Masters

 Geography and General Knowledge mock exam. Please answer True or False. Extended
answers will be considered

1. Most volcanoes occur where plates are broken.
2. Plates are commonly broken when one partner or the other fails to stack the
    dishwasher properly.
3. Using the dishwasher takes very little skill.
4. In some households, partners divide tasks evenly rather than expecting one person
     to do all the work.
5. Swearing when volcanoes erupt is not funny or clever especially when there’s a five-
    year-old in the room.
6. Following a volcanic eruption it is recommended that the offending party clear the
    debris and calm any distressed children. New plates may be required.

'Imagine' by Kate Medway

Imagine.

I'd like you to visualise the natural,
most undisturbed, least turbulent body of
water that you can.

I'd like you to carry this water
for a moment in your mind,
like a memory or future hope.

I'd like you to put your name forward for this body of water.

Now, please fill out this short questionnaire.

What is the shape & quality beneath the surface?
Is the water deceptive, or can the water be easily trusted?
Has the water ever been challenged by someone?

Does the water have a stamp?
Does the water choose to argue or walk away?
Does the water represent something to someone else?
Does the water know how to welcome a friend?
Does the water uplift, elevate or risk drawing you towards downward spirals?
Does your water try different art mediums?
Is the water realistic?
What are the water's remarks about other bodies of water?
Is the water a spendthrift, or is it more careful?
What does the water offer first to those who turn up for consolation?
Will the water compete with other landmarks & milestones in your life?
Who does the water take responsibility for the care of?
Does the water remember much about the years of its youth?
Is the water a friend or a stranger?

Quiz-Time in the Kreißsaal? By Rachel Burrows

 Question 1

How does the tap work?

Question 2

How will you manage a baby if you can’t even turn the tap on?

Question 3

How hot does the water have to be?

Question 4

How will you nurture a baby if you can’t even run a bath?

Question 5

How will you help your partner while she is in the water?

Question 6

How will you care for a baby if you can’t even take care of your wife?

Question 7

How will you support your wife if she gets upset or angry when the contractions take over? If

she swears at you?

Question 8

How will you ever father a teenager?

Question 9

How will you know how to cut the cord?

Question 10

Are you ready to cut the cord?

Are you ready?

Ready Dad?

Amazing!

Here he is! Congratulations all of you!

Ready Mum?

'At the Movies' by Jean Feingold

The woman used the movie theatre’s side aisle to reach the empty top row. She sat in
the middle. She put her bottled water in the right hand cupholder and an energy bar in
the left side cupholder before reclining the seat. There were only about 20 people in the
120 seat auditorium.

Before the trailers started, a man walked up. “Hello,” he said. “I don’t enjoy going to the
movies alone. Might I sit with you?”

“That depends,” she said. “I have some questions.”

“OK,” he replied. “Ask away.”

“Where will your cellphone be during the movie?”

“Inside my pocket, completely turned off.”

“Are you in the habit of leaving and returning during the movie?”

“No.”

“Do you ever hum or singalong with songs or music in the movie?”

“No.”

“If you figure out whodunnit before it is revealed, do you say out loud who the culprit is
or that you know who it is?”

“No.”

“Do you eat your companion’s snacks when they haven’t offered to share?”

“No.”

“When the movie ends, do you stay to watch all the credits?”

“Always.”

“Has the staff at any theatre ever asked you to leave for any reason?”

“No.” The man nervously shifted his weight from one foot to the other, wondering where
this interrogation was headed.

“Have you ever engaged in inappropriate sexual behavior at the movies?”

“I don’t think so.”

“How many times have you taken out a gun and shot other moviegoers?”

“I’ll find a seat elsewhere in the theatre,” the man said testily before turning around and
walking away.

The woman smiled. This was not the first undesired companion who had tried to sit with
her. She found the rude questionnaire much more fun than simply saying she’d rather
sit alone. It always worked.

'Should Have Taken Ordinary Level' by Geraldine McCarthy

State Examinations Commission

Leaving Certificate Mock, 2025

Paper 1

Testing the Waters: Higher Level

Monday 12th May Afternoon: 2:00-4:20

Please read the instructions carefully for each section. Answer all questions.

Section A: Life Skills

1. Make a timetable for each day of the week. Factor in: scrolling through your phone, socialising with your friends, school and study.

2. You are taking your first professional driving lesson. The instructor screams at you to brake at the pedestrian crossing. Write the rest of the story as it evolves.

3. Your parents ask you to cook dinner for the family. Make a list of the things you shouldn’t do.

4. You’re tipsy coming home from a party. Your mother suspects, but can’t prove anything. Write the conversation which ensues.

Section B: Emotional Intelligence

1. The naggin of vodka you’d hidden in your bedroom is missing. Do you (a) pretend nothing has happened (b) try to ascertain if your mother is in a funny mood (c) buy a replacement naggin, but hide it somewhere else?

2. You volunteer to cook dinner for everyone. Assess your chances of getting back into your mother’s good books.

3. The driving instructor thinks you should take a break from lessons for the time being. Do you think this is because (a) you’re doing so well (b) he has too many other clients (c)  you tend to break the speed limit on narrow country roads?

4. Your mother provides you with photographic evidence of the naggin of vodka in your wardrobe. Do you (a) feign surprise (b) say your brother must have put it there (c) own up?

Section C: Reflective Piece

You’re barred from socialising for six weeks. Write an essay on how you’ve grown as a person, and what you’ll do differently next time.

NFFD 2024 Prompt #8: Testing the Waters

 

  

Prompt #8: Testing the Waters
WATER prompt B

Welcome to The Write-In!  This year, we're celebrating the 2024 National Flash Fiction Day Anthology theme of The Classical Elements - Air, Earth, Water and Fire. Throughout National Flash Fiction Day, we'll be posting one time-related prompt on the hour every hour from 00:00 until midnight (BST), for a total of 25 prompts in all.  You have until midnight on Sunday (BST) to submit your responses for possible publication here at the Write-In.  We'll start posting responses on Sunday, 16 June 2024....

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 Write a flash in the form of a test or quiz.

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If you’re submitting this to us, make sure to note that this is a response to Prompt 8: Testing the Waters.

You can submit responses until 23:59 BST on Sunday, 16 June 2024 for a chance to be published here at The Write-In.

You can claim the badge for this prompt by visiting the badgifier here (hosted by the NFFD website).

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